Chasing time.

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door." - Coco Chanel

Time goes by surprisingly fast. I've been staring at the laptop screen for good two hours now waiting for inspiration to come to me. Clicked through several channels on TV trying to find suitable background noise and nothing good enough came up. I guess it was silly trying to find something decent on TV at 11AM on a Wednesday. Don't think television is as a big of a deal as it was before. Realistically what do you normally watch? Your every day portions of late evening "Family guy", TV game shows and a few music channels do the job. The rest are fillers, waste of time, and I like to think that people don't like to waste their time like that. Do they?

When you are are young it seems that you have enough time to decide what to do and who to be. It feels like you have so many years ahead so there shouldn't be any rush with decisions, this is our lives we are talking about, no mistakes to be made here. But if we are being realistic, we need to admit that no matter how long you wait to make a decision, no matter how much thought you put into it, no one is insured from something going not according to the plan.

I don't panic about my age. Not yet. I am still young enough to do something good with my life and old enough to know how to avoid making mistakes, so that works out perfectly for me at the current stage of my life. I know exactly how to evaluate what I have and what I can achieve, and what I should not risk to lose. But I'm not going to lie, it does feel weird to hear about more and more people in their early twenties that have "oh so much" to their lives. Companies, careers, houses and cars and it seems like they have it all figured out. It makes me think about what did I actually do when I was 18? What was my life and why didn't I try to push for something I was passionate about? The feeling that I missed out on the perfect years to make something work, when you still have support from your family (well, should have support from your family. Can't say that is a standard thing you know. Not from my experience), and the world seemed bigger, as if there is a place for every bright teenager with an idea that is worth something. Reality hits when you realise that people who have it all at their twenties probably had better chances of getting where they are from a number of reasons - family, countries, financial situation, motivation and supporters, coaches, and finances for the equipment, budgeting etc. So if you ever were worried, like me, that you have waisted your precious young years on nothing good enough, you should stop worrying about it this instant.

Some people do get successful from hard work and talent, I'm not saying they are where they are only because of money. But most of them had something to hold on to when they were climbing up the stairs to success. If you were like me, who didn't have enough courage to just jump into doing things that might not bring you success in years, then you probably were working hard to make sure you have money to live your life a little bit better than before. And it wasn't about passion and talent, it was about building your finances up to be able to afford to live your life better. And there is nothing wrong with that. Yes, I have never had a family holiday abroad. Or a holiday in that context at all really.  My holidays used to consist of enjoying the sunshine of summer days in the city I was born in and have been living my first twenty years in. When my classmates were leaving university on first, second or even the third year into their program to start up their businesses and pursue their dreams, passions, inspirations, I was sitting through every class I had on my day schedule because I knew I could not afford to walk out on education and waste all the money my parents were saving all my life to pay for it. I could not allow for something to go wrong at that stage, concentrating on education, and later - work. So no, I have not wasted my time. The only difference between me and them was that while they were trying to build their empire from the resources that they already had, I was building my forces, defences, knowledge of the battlefield from scratch. And now I am ready for battle.

Now whenever I see a new success story of a 20 year old girl or boy that seem to "have it all", I don't feel my heart drop from disappointment in myself. Now I remind myself that I had to choose a different path to get where I am now. And when someone may have had a map with a short-cut to success, I had to go through storms and longest roads to find my way. And I know I will get there, I just need a bit more encouragement. When you work hard for every penny you earn, it is scary to invest that money into something that is an idea that might or might not work. Which proves that I have learned a lot over these years.

Time really does go by fast and sometimes, it seems so hard to try and catch up with you life. Feels like the year has just begun but them again we are already in March, half way through the first month of Spring. And because of that it is only natural to feel like you aren't doing enough with your life. I don't feel bad about it any more, because I know that I do as much as I possibly can. And always have been trying to do my best in everything I have ever got involved in. I might not have a fancy car and a personal island, but I have so much more than I had just five years ago. And I am not going to stop now - rational decisions and planning is the key in my opinion. To the stars and no steps back.