Home At Number 18.
OK, October, here we go...
Autumn has always been my favourite season. Every year without exception, and I am sure I have said it before, but this year I feel more tired than I have ever been. September has been a harsh one, it has tortured me financially, mentally and physically so I had no break from the world. As the weather becomes colder and the nature dies off into a dreamy slumber all I want to do is be home. Home At Number 18.
"Weather" at home is more important than the weather outside your house. Always. May it pour rain or blow winds and may it look like the end of the world is coming upon you, it should all stop as soon as you open the doors to your home where is love, where is warmth and peace.
I have lost track of my schedules and routines, I have lost patience and tranquillity, I broke down in tears more than I would like to admit and I hated the thought of getting on top of an endless list of things that are just waiting on me to complete them. I was gathering bricks and I am so ready to start building a wall between me and the world again, but I do not think that it is worth it. It is times like these I miss smoking. I used to wander out in my garden and spend my time just watching the smoke that I exhaled from my lungs, nothing in the world around me existed at those moments. I am happy I got rid of that habit and I do not feel like a slave to the nicotine addiction. I do not miss the nicotine, I miss the feeling it gave me - it was like pressing the pause button on life and having 5 minutes away from everything. Instead I am having 5 minutes to myself but my mind keeps busy, keeps trying to make decisions and finding solutions whereas I just want to scream for it to shut up and give me peace.
I have not been brilliant these few weeks, I have been moody and not pleasant to deal with and I can't thank my partner enough for being very tolerant to my mini fits and breakdowns every so often. My goals for October is to get myself out of this mess by taking one step at a time. Plus holiday is coming up so that should get me recharged quite nicely.
If you ask me how my September was I would answer - can't believe its over. It felt like only a week past but we are in October now and I cannot believe how quick life passes by. So why do I keep myself so stressed up?
I asked Google how to lower the stress levels in life and all it told me is - yoga, jogging and exercise. OK now do you actually believe that after a very stressful day at work when you get in your car and you are on your way home you really want to go run for a few miles just to irritate yourself just a bit more and come back home not just mentally tired but also physically drained? I do know people who do this to be fair and they claim that it works but no, I can't see how it will make me more pleasant do deal with. So let me give you my "To Do" list for the next 2 weeks to keep me in sanity until my holidays comes to save the day.
1. Accept the things you can't change.
For example - people. If someone lived long enough to build a personality (so anyone in their sane mind and age of 18) they are not likely to change in any way or form no matter what you say or do. And they shouldn't. Because that is the way they are and you are the way you are and everyone just need to get on with their own lives and be happy. If you can avoid contact with the toxic people around you - fantastic! If you can't - leave it to the basics, talk on relevant subjects and avoid confrontation because in the end you will not win and what is the point of creating arguments when realistically it does not affect your personal life. If it does though, then it can become a bigger problem but lets think as if it is as easy as closing your eyes and pretending this mess doesn't exist for a minute.
2. Challenge yourself.
No I am not saying challenge yourself to be better than others, challenge yourself to work on improving yourself. Improving who you are and what you bring to your home. Be better, more careful, more polite and caring and be the bigger person. Then add a bit of self development - take on a hobby you always wanted or start do something for YOU.
3. Take control.
Again, not saying - go and monitor every step everyone makes around you. Take control of your own feelings, word, acts. Decide if it is enough of chaos and walk out of the mess, take 10 minutes to yourself, have a cup of tea (avoid adding Irish to it if you can) and breathe. Concentrate on something different and live. Live the way YOU want to live.
I am happy I started this month with a day off and I am very thankful for how my house is - calm and stress free. And I am happy to say that I am more in love with my partner than I ever was for bringing sanity to my life when I felt like there was nothing sane in my life left. Felt like everybody is looking at you for an answer but all you felt like doing is quitting. Let's remember that life is more than what happens at work, and more than what happened once when you messed up (because it is obviously haunting everyone at any age). Life is what happens when you come back home after a long day and close the door on the outside world. You close the door on everything that seemed to be a bit too stressful. Now you are living. You have your loved ones around you, let it be parents, or partner or a cat waiting for you. This is what matters, not anything else. Remember this. I love my home.
Bring on October.
Autumn has always been my favourite season. Every year without exception, and I am sure I have said it before, but this year I feel more tired than I have ever been. September has been a harsh one, it has tortured me financially, mentally and physically so I had no break from the world. As the weather becomes colder and the nature dies off into a dreamy slumber all I want to do is be home. Home At Number 18.
"Weather" at home is more important than the weather outside your house. Always. May it pour rain or blow winds and may it look like the end of the world is coming upon you, it should all stop as soon as you open the doors to your home where is love, where is warmth and peace.I have lost track of my schedules and routines, I have lost patience and tranquillity, I broke down in tears more than I would like to admit and I hated the thought of getting on top of an endless list of things that are just waiting on me to complete them. I was gathering bricks and I am so ready to start building a wall between me and the world again, but I do not think that it is worth it. It is times like these I miss smoking. I used to wander out in my garden and spend my time just watching the smoke that I exhaled from my lungs, nothing in the world around me existed at those moments. I am happy I got rid of that habit and I do not feel like a slave to the nicotine addiction. I do not miss the nicotine, I miss the feeling it gave me - it was like pressing the pause button on life and having 5 minutes away from everything. Instead I am having 5 minutes to myself but my mind keeps busy, keeps trying to make decisions and finding solutions whereas I just want to scream for it to shut up and give me peace.
I have not been brilliant these few weeks, I have been moody and not pleasant to deal with and I can't thank my partner enough for being very tolerant to my mini fits and breakdowns every so often. My goals for October is to get myself out of this mess by taking one step at a time. Plus holiday is coming up so that should get me recharged quite nicely.
If you ask me how my September was I would answer - can't believe its over. It felt like only a week past but we are in October now and I cannot believe how quick life passes by. So why do I keep myself so stressed up?
I asked Google how to lower the stress levels in life and all it told me is - yoga, jogging and exercise. OK now do you actually believe that after a very stressful day at work when you get in your car and you are on your way home you really want to go run for a few miles just to irritate yourself just a bit more and come back home not just mentally tired but also physically drained? I do know people who do this to be fair and they claim that it works but no, I can't see how it will make me more pleasant do deal with. So let me give you my "To Do" list for the next 2 weeks to keep me in sanity until my holidays comes to save the day.
1. Accept the things you can't change.
For example - people. If someone lived long enough to build a personality (so anyone in their sane mind and age of 18) they are not likely to change in any way or form no matter what you say or do. And they shouldn't. Because that is the way they are and you are the way you are and everyone just need to get on with their own lives and be happy. If you can avoid contact with the toxic people around you - fantastic! If you can't - leave it to the basics, talk on relevant subjects and avoid confrontation because in the end you will not win and what is the point of creating arguments when realistically it does not affect your personal life. If it does though, then it can become a bigger problem but lets think as if it is as easy as closing your eyes and pretending this mess doesn't exist for a minute.
2. Challenge yourself.
No I am not saying challenge yourself to be better than others, challenge yourself to work on improving yourself. Improving who you are and what you bring to your home. Be better, more careful, more polite and caring and be the bigger person. Then add a bit of self development - take on a hobby you always wanted or start do something for YOU.
3. Take control.
Again, not saying - go and monitor every step everyone makes around you. Take control of your own feelings, word, acts. Decide if it is enough of chaos and walk out of the mess, take 10 minutes to yourself, have a cup of tea (avoid adding Irish to it if you can) and breathe. Concentrate on something different and live. Live the way YOU want to live.
I am happy I started this month with a day off and I am very thankful for how my house is - calm and stress free. And I am happy to say that I am more in love with my partner than I ever was for bringing sanity to my life when I felt like there was nothing sane in my life left. Felt like everybody is looking at you for an answer but all you felt like doing is quitting. Let's remember that life is more than what happens at work, and more than what happened once when you messed up (because it is obviously haunting everyone at any age). Life is what happens when you come back home after a long day and close the door on the outside world. You close the door on everything that seemed to be a bit too stressful. Now you are living. You have your loved ones around you, let it be parents, or partner or a cat waiting for you. This is what matters, not anything else. Remember this. I love my home.
Bring on October.
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